A modest defence of the all-hands meeting
Detractors of the modern all-hands meeting argue, with what one is forced to call a certain consistency, that nothing useful occurs in it. To which the obvious answer is: that is precisely the point. The all-hands serves a deeper purpose than mere information, by which I mean the careful, weekly performance of organisational seriousness, conducted in the manner of those great Edwardian household routines whose function was less to clean the silver than to remind everyone that there was silver. To object that the slides are dull is to mistake the genre; the slides are dull because the slides are the silver. The CEO is the butler. The marketing deck is the candelabra. Anyone who has worked in a thoroughly modern company will recognise, with the immediate twinge of the converted sceptic, that the most efficient firms are the ones that hold the most ritualised all-hands. Efficiency, you see, is not the absence of ritual. It is ritual that has stopped apologising for itself.
— Adapted from a satirical column, 2024.
